I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
