I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
