nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
