he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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