mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
