Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
