Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize