You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize