You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
