my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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