is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Randomize
