Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
