There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
