I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we're making bets on your personal life
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
