I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
