it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize