i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Couch. On fire.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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