i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
