I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
