Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
