I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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