Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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