R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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