oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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