my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
