I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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