it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
