someone get that fucking seahorse.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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