I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
