Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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