just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
