Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
