I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
