Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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