After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
