I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
