something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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