I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
