I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize