He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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