i don't plan on having that self control this summer
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
