we have officially lost it.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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