we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize