I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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