I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
