if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
