Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
