Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
