Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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