I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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