My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
