Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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