You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize