I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
