apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
