why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
