I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
