The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
