I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We are all done wearing pants today
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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