talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
