Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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