ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
