Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
