i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
did you just send me my own nude
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
