whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
