im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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