Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
