my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
