Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is Oprah even human
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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