My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
