He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He? As in you personified your dick?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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